After I had my second son, I thought I was done…no more babies. I thought, “these two are plenty for me and I’m happy to be done with little babies.” Then the divorce happened and it was just the three of us and I was completely happy with this. Then came Erik, my love, that had no children.
In the beginning of our relationship, as we were going through the “learn everything about each other” phase, I asked the question, “do you want kids”, and his response was….yes. The first thing that went through my mind was, “well, crap.” I had to take a deep breath and really think about whether or not I wanted to go further down the rabbit hole with this relationship. Did I really want to fall further in love with someone that wanted children while I was at a different point in my life? Did I want to be honest with him that I wasn’t in the same place? Should I think with my heart or my head?? In the end I chose my heart and I’m so thankful that I did…but there were a lot of emotions that went into ‘going with my heart’.
I was honest with E that I wasn’t completely sure if I was ‘there’ yet about having more kids and at least that took some pressure off of me so that I didn’t feel like I was hiding anything from him. But I still felt responsibility to come to a definitive conclusion to my feelings about having more kids. Did I really want to deal with diapers again? Did I really want to be pregnant again? Did I really want to deal with baby food, tantrums, potty training, and preschool all over again? And by the time that I got pregnant, I was considered high-risk because of my age – did I really want to deal with the extra doctor visits that this would require? (in the end, there really wasn’t a difference in the doctor visits)
Can you tell by now that I overthink everything? And of course this was no different.
Then…it happened. E met the boys and watching him with them was awesome. They clicked quickly but more importantly, I saw E light up when he was throwing a football, playing ninjas, or playing hockey with them. And it was a sparkle that made me melt. How awesome would it be to have a little girl or boy with this man that I had fallen in love with and that lit up when he was around kids; that drew upon his inner child when he was with the kids; that had become an amazing influence in the boys lives.
So, I knew – I wanted to have a baby with this man. We did things a little backwards and got pregnant (and had the baby) before the wedding but I’m so thankful that we have this little girl.
Before I started dating Erik, I was putting the boys to bed and my oldest asked me if they could have a little sister. My response was that I needed to find someone to have a baby with first. And his response was classic, “well mom, you better get working on that because you’re gettin’ kinda old.” So at least they had these thoughts running through their heads. I just wasn’t sure if they had been too damaged by the divorce to still want a sibling.
After E and I became pregnant, I was nervous about telling the boys. I’ve heard such horror stories about the ‘first’ kids being detached from the ‘new’ kid and resenting the baby because they get to ‘stay’ with the parent 100% of the time while they have to go back and forth between two homes as well as many other reasons to resent a new baby. The boys are not good at keeping secrets so we had to perfectly time delivering the news to everyone. The day before we told E’s family and mine, we took the boys to a restaurant that they loved and over their favorite appetizer I asked if they still wanted a little sister. They both said yes! I kept going, and all the while stumbling over my words because I thought I had to deliver them in just the right way so Erik jumped in and delivered the news that they were going to be big brothers to a little girl. And they were ECSTATIC! When we told them the name that we were giving her, the only comment, that couldn’t be more true today, was that Q didn’t want to name her that – he wanted to name her Sassafras.
Two years later, I couldn’t have dreamt that life would be easier in adding another baby to the picture. Our little redhead is so spoiled with attention and most of this is because of the attention that the boys shower on her. If she utters a peep of annoyance or being upset, they come running…and quickly. She lives for attention because she is never without it. They live for her and she lives for them.
So my end comment, which seems to be a life lesson that I’m learning, is – don’t overthink it! Let things happen because they will always happen when and how they are supposed to. I couldn’t imagine our lives without this little girl and now our little family is complete. (and trust me, our little redhead ensured that we are done – she will always be the baby :))